Fellow Newsvine Fiends and Malcontents:
Computers and technology are ruining 'Merica! Things are so complicated, today, in part due to computers, and, in parts do to technology. Both parts suck! It's nearly impossible for a dishonest man, like myself, to make an indecent living. You see, fellow miscreants, I am an independent "grifter", like Donald J Trump, our Fake, ILLIGETIMATE President, but, I don't have orange hair. ! We are, both, third generation crooks in family businesses, just trying to steal above our pay grade. That's why I voted for Trump. "The Great Comb Over" promised to "streamline government, get rid of bureaucracy and Make America Great Again". I knew what he meant, "Make America Great, Again, for Crime". But, where is the meat, brother dead beat?
Take for example, this lovely Spring morning, I went to the bank, bright and early, to make a withdraw. I gave the teller my note, like I learn from my classes at Trump University. "This is a stuck up, give me da' money, honey", it read! The rather stern looking, middle aged teller looked up after reading it, which took forever, and, said, "Sir, there are several misspelled words in your note. Your handwriting is poor. No one uses block letters, anymore. I am afraid you are going to have to re-write this", and hand it back to me with the corrections marked in red ink for everyone to see.
That cut to the core, really, hurt, so, I threaten her! "I have a gun!", I snarled! "Oh", she replied without missing a beat, "that changes everything! Step over here. I have to see your GUN PERMIT, first." Naturally, I produced it. I carry it with me at all time, along with my NRA membership card. I never leave home without it. I, also, always pack my GOP gold embossed, "Get Out of Jail Free" marker, left over from the Watergate era whenever I go to a job. Well, that is when all the proverbial government "bull crap" hit the proverbial fan. Adverbs, verbs, even a few dangling modifiers flew everywhere. The entire bank was a mess.
"Just need you to fill out a few government forms", she huffed and puffed and blew her stinking breath on me, " before we can proceed" " What is your mother's maiden name? " Was she a lesbian? "Was your father gay? " Do you know anyone that is not a Christian?" And, on and all, she went. The last cut, hurt the deepest, "I assume, you are a . . . Tea Republicans", she said accusatorily? "No", I shot back miffed, "I am with the Green Party". Well, patriots, the interrogation wen ton and on like that on until she had to take her lunch break. It was embarrassing. There I was in the teller's line working, while other customers eavesdropped on our conversation and now I had to wait until this bitch return from her lunch. It was hugely humiliating, bigely, really. I have ever been treated so disrespectfully in the whole of my criminal career. By far it was worse than the, "Spread them, turn around and bend over", routine, I usually get at the precinct, where we are on a first name basis. Like "Cheers" it nice to know your name. I know mine. You know something, folks, fellow Newsvine Fiends, that is precisely why I voted for TRUMP. I wanted R E S P E C T!
Peoples looked down on me, on my career choice; the way I dressed, my red cap, my Confederate Flag tattoos. I can feel it. I have feelings, too. Well, damn it, "The Donald" campaigned on a promise to "streamline bureaucracy". But, now, after 67 days in office, that fat, lazy, orange buffoon of a Con Artist only made it worse! I am thinking of turning myself in. Today, if I want to stick up a someone, they demand that I show them two form's of ID, have my picture taken and get fingerprinted, first. Who has time for that? Honestly, I could take anymore. I walked out of that bank with tears in my eyes, empty handed.
So folks, I am asking you, fellow Trump Supports, that are quickly losing your face in the Orange man, to write your Congressional Representatives. Give them an ear full, "Computers & Technology are RUINING 'Merica!" They ain't making it Grits, Again"! No, sirrrreee, no ham and green eggs, neither. Thanks you for letting me share my conversion story with you before the cops arrive. Personally, I don't think I am going to VOTE FOR TRUMP AGAIN, even, if he is a fellow thief. SHARE IF YOU AGREE!