The following rant was crafted solely by our esteemed, and, occasionally steamed, Wintrope Merridethe, The Trey, CEO, & Flounder of Eat The Press - Don't Beat It! Well, almost solely by himself! He did have some help from Melania Trump, Michelle Obama's ghostwriter, who collaborated on this masterpiece during their weekly conjugal visits!
The not too bright, CEO & Flounder, is known to mine highly "classified information" from Melania's fine a*s by licking her private server. 17 Intel Agencies in America, and, two from Russia confirmed, today, on CNN, that Melanoma, her, Secret Service namesake, is known to hide Top Secret documents, ordinary recipes, and, directions to her multiple lovers she does not want her husband to discover in her "safe box"!Our twisted, narrow minded Executive-In-Chief composed the following Epistle dealing exclusively with the "Trump-Russian Scandal", that is currently sweeping the nation's TV outlets, except for FOX TV NETWORK NEWS DENIERS!Based on the hidden scrolls, and, lies he picked up from the guards, Winnie-Not the Poo Bear, or, as we call hi, "Mister Mega-death" has been know to have some unorthodox views that diverts from the traditional political pundits point of view. Wintrope writes by candle light from his cell, located in the dark, dank basement of the Dick Cheney Nursing Home For Wayward Republicans and barely sees the day of light for months at a stretch, not, until Melania next visit.
"One must look beyond the whining, beyond the boisterous name calling, the long, convoluted press conferences," writes our, our nearly illiterate publisher due to the frequent Water Boarding he receives as therapy". He adds, "To search for the truth, one must seek the kernels of wisdom that Trump, or, 'Agent Orange', as he is known to the Russians, wraps in his speeches, hidden under large chunk of original bull sh*t!"Wintrope cautions his two readers, to "Be patient, Little Grass Hopper, the truth will be revealed to those that are senile, weak of will, or, suffer from bloated bladders"."Take for instance", SCREAM WINNIE," this jewel, tucked neatly in our FAKE PRESIDENT Trump's most recent Press Confusion: 'How many damn times do I have to tell you MFers that I have no contact with the Russians! No contact except for financial bailout loans. No one in my campaign had contact with Russian intelligence operatives either"
"Paul Manafort, aka Man A Fart", writes our award adverse publisher from his therapy session's waiting room added, "Pauli assured me when he was handed off $12.1 million in cash from the Russians and that there was nothing to it. I believe Pauli. He is my guy!"The FAKE president, added, "I am the good guy, here! The lying, fake Press, the lying Intelligence community and CNN are the bad guys. Get it straight or I will send the M.P.s to your freaking, small scale homes and beat the snot out of your parents." Or words, not remotely similar to these.- This is Wintrope Merridethe, The Trey, and I don't remember this coming across my desk.