Eat the Press - Don't Read It, (the Content Is Worthless), hereby, AND, UNDER THE COVER OF DARKNESS, publishes this exclusive, first scoop!
Just this morning, at 6:00 AM, a very blurry copy of "The Donald's" Economic Speech was discovered by a wino who workers as a "stringer" for the Less Than Reliable "Eat The Press - Don't Wipe Your Cinnamon Bun With It"!As everyone who is in the know, knows, we aren't called "Urinalist" for nothing.
Trump's Big Ideas revealed:1. Pay off the National Debt with proceeds from Melanesia Trump's semi-nude Architecture Tours of the Whorehouse which will now be featuring the First Tramp's strutting from one historic room to another modeling erotic costumes. Trumps has rapped up the ticket prices to tour the president's home to $18,000. Trump, added, he is also "issuing an Executive Order calling for a Ban on Pornography! Smut will, now, only be available from the
Whorehouse . . . er . . . White's Only House!"
2. Replace Welfare with WARFARE: Trump noted on how much money Cheney made from one war with Iraq. Image how much America could have with wars all over the globe. Trump, also, intends to make our Allies pay for it.
3. Job Creation: Trump's plan will stimulate new jobs by the million by not only building a wall between Mexico and the USA, but, between the USA and Canada, and, he will make Canada and Mexico pay for it.
4.Trump's Economic Stimulation Plan calls for much more: "We are Building a Huge Wall," the president explained to Winthrope Meridethe, The Turd, publisher and flounder, of Eat The Press - Don't Read Anything, Ignorance is Bliss, "all the way around America with a dome on the top of it, so America can watch football and we can watch Americans"!
5. Trump's more dramatic idea is to use slave laborers. His plan calls for him to pocket the cash from Mexico, because their record keeping is terrible.6. Trump's Chief Financial Advisers, Dr. Been Crazy and Dr. Ding Dong, project that America wipe out the NATIONAL DEBT by auctioning off the "NUCLEAR CODES" to the highest bidder!7. His Secretary of State, Rex Tiller-son says, "It will not only wipe out our nation debt. It will create peace by giving our enemies what they have always wanted".8. Further, Trump believes in a strong military presence for our allies, too. That is why Trump will an Executive Order authorizing the Defense Department to sell Nukes to Japan, Saudi Arabia, or, whoever can pay cash for them.9. Trump plans to sell the National Parks to the Koch Brothers, to help lower taxes on the rich!10. Finally, Trump will stop the drain on our nations coffers
by ending Medicare and Medicaid. "Old people", the President said," can just die off!" What have your sauces, or, hallucination,s revealed to you about Trump's Economic Plan. Please, share it with our four readers.
-This is Wintrope Merridethe, The Trey, and I approved this message while "face up on a bar room floor"!