In a moldy, cluttered basement of the less than prestigious, EAT THE PRESS - DON'T READ IT, a disgruntled janitor, named, Cassius de Clay, of the House of Clay Feet, discovered a cache of Nostril-Dumbass's Lost Prognostications, postdated for the year 2016. It appears that these much rumored oracles were hidden, in, of all places, a cheap wine bottle. Unfortunately, the camel herder/janitor consumed the contents of the cracked, mud covered wine bottle on the spot, then, smashed it against his thick forehead exposing the secreted, forgotten predictions, known as the "Last Oracle". These oracles appears to be written on the "hinny" of a Great White, New Jersey Whale, circa, Christi, over a bridge turn off, on or about 3500 B.C., plus or minus 3.5/m. The documents were transcribed by Wintrope Merridethe, The III, publisher of Eat The Press, while in a trance. Below are, hereby, revealed, for the first time, the revered, long sought after copulations of NostrilDumbBottom: Copulations I, verse One, Oracle 2016:
Verse 1: "The First Gentleman will become the First Cuckold. But, he won't get any more Pu-tang."Verse 2: "Hillary, of the House of Dillard, will fall to the Trumpery, of the House of Orange, who will rise from the ashes of Realty TV, in the territory, now controlled by the House of the Ronald MacDonald to take the mantle from O' Bum-er!""Verse 2 (a): The Sun will rise in the East and set in the West, or vice-a-versa. Hemingway will turn over in his grave and lay an egg". (See: "Sun Also Rises").Verse 2 (b): "Orange will become the new White, with 'Spray On Orange' becoming the new rave. The Orange Man will cause a new trend: the Toilet Brush replace the Tooth Brush."Verse 3: "Tattoos will be restricted to only a Hitler type moustache under one's nose". Tattoo Salon will pop up on every street corner as children races to get their new tattooed moustaches.Verse 4: "The House of Sanders, Colonel Sanders, will have a 'Hissy Fit', claiming that he was cheated out of his rightful ascension to the throne of the Cornpone, thus, 'the Bernie' will vow to fight on all the way to the House of White, in the District of Columbia, situated by the Sewage Plant on the Potomac. Sump pumps will work overtime at taxpayers expensive to clean up the muck."
Further pro-nasty-ca-ta-cations will be revealed, as soon as the "Sleeping Prophet" awakens from his hangover.What revelations did you hear as you, "Rallied in the Alley", for your candidate? What voice screamed at you of the great changes that will be unearthed by your deranged Janitor, as they take their place upon the national political stage of deceit?Please, share your demented thoughts with us, for we have our own nightmares, which are lonely, howling in the wind and are in need of company.