The drunk most of the time, Johnnie A. Boehner, aka, "Weeper of House" of Congressional Criminals, is single handily responsible for more damage to America, as a result of his intoxicated state, than the former "censured" Speaker - Three times married, twice divorced, serial adulterer, Republican Family Values Presidential Nominee, Newt Gingrich, revved up on fistful of "free" Viagra.
The nicotine stained Boehner, misrepresenting the 8Th Congressional District from the "Not So Great Any More State of Ohio, is frequently seen now a day with his trademark regalia: A fifth of Jack Daniels in one hand, a can of Instant Spray in the other and a wad of obscene lobbyist CASH in his back pocket, pledging Allegiance to the American Flag with one hand, while sipping whiskey shots with the other, quoting slurred biblical verses and simultaneous stooping every female lobbyist in a dress within libidos range.
What a great white, Christian American, our Speaker of the House of Corruption, is! A first class "Family Values man" like his mentor Newt the Glutton. What a first class hypocrite these "girlie men" make.
Boehner, in this humbled by the Winds of Times correspondent's under rated opinion, should be immediately ordered to enroll in the Betty Ford Clinic for a long term confinement, under the provisions of a proposed new law prohibiting "LEGISLATING WHILE DRUNK"!
Let us get that bill passed! Call your drunken Congress person now; tell them to get out of the brothel and make to the Capital Building and get to work on passing the "No Legislating While Drunk" bill sponsored by Damaged American.com. Americans can't drive while drunk - why should one be allowed to legislate while drunk? One wouldn't want their doctor to perform surgery while in their "cups". Why, then, deary should do we allow legislators to operate the gears of government while intoxicated and running about dangerously on the floor of Congress. Pilots can't fly drunk - neither should politicians be allow to operate the people's business while stoned or under the influence of alcohol.
"Crying Johnnie", as Boehner is known to his colleagues, to the press and to late night comedians is a "habitual repeat offender" and has been an "off and on again" drunk desperately running a losing sobriety marathon since the tender age of ten against the wicked demon, "Alcohol", our sources claim.
"Johnnie got hooked on the Devil's Brew when he he was but a young lad of ten", they claim, when, as a lad, he made himself a local hero with his school boy peers by stealing beers, cigarettes and "girlie" magazines from his alcoholic "Papa's" run down, grimy, dingy old bar in Southwest Ohio, just northwest of downtown Cincinnati. A place so run down, it makes "Dog Patch" look like a gated community.
The Speaker of the House, "Wailing" Johnnie Boehner, and his near starving eleven other siblings, plus mom and dad all resided in a dilapidated, two bedroom, cluttered, dirty apartment above his their "Tavern" /bar/drunk tank. This hovel of a bar was favored by the county's long term alcoholics kicked out of better establishments by responsible tavern owners, but recruited for this joint. Boehner's father, a controlled drunk, understood his clientele and would let the bums run up tabs, cashed their government checks for a small fee, then, illegally let them drink themselves broke.
Most of the Speaker siblings lived, slept and played in the ram shackled apartment above the bar, but, by necessity, his brothers and sisters spent a lot of their youth cleaning the up the bar below them by "cleaning out" the intoxicated patrons that periodically passed out from drinking all day and all night until their money ran out.
Many a patron had to be physically "removed from the premise", noted our inebriated, self deputized journalist, "IAMA DRUNK, TOO", a life long, area drunk and former childhood friend of the speaker.
"That when a big family comes in handy", noted our source with a toothless grin, "when you have to throw the drunks out with the garbage - it takes a little muscle. I used to help his older brother some and he'd pay me in warm, left over beer that the patrons left on the bar and tables."
Johnnie was known as a "stand up drunk", like his father. You never knew that he was drunk cause he could stand up. Yeah, back in the day, Johnnie could drink all day and one would "never know he was drunk as a skunk like me", noted our impeachable source, Drunk As A Skunk.
"Why, that Johnnie boy has been sucking down alcoholic beverages since he turned ten or eleven", added his still drunk boyhood friend. The funny nickname he got tagged with as a boy, Drunk As A Skunk, no longer seemed amusing - only tragic. Coldly, those that named him back then, still to this day cruelly refer to him by that demeaning phrase, many not knowing his real name. In truth, our source blames the Boehners and John, in particular, for turning him into "nothing but a hill billy drunker".
"I might have been something some day like a doctor or an attorney. I was the best reader in the class, but, no, I couldn't drink like Johnnie B. could and turned into the town drunk during my teens and now I can't stop drinking, though, God knows, I tried many a time," he wept-ed, again.
"Nearly sixty years of drinking", he explained ". . . of which forty years is filled with alcohol consumption on a daily basis has resulted in Boehner and my current state of Alcoholic Psychosis".
"I should know," he added. "I am one, too", he confessed as his eyes welled up with tears, again, sobbing inconsolably.
Boehner alcoholism is well documented and known to most of his constituents, who vote for him faithfully every two years primarily because of his Kentucky roots and the fact that he is considered a pretty boy. His disease, however, is no laughing matters and as he gains national political power its influence contaminates every citizen in America, and effect people through out the world.
Americans did not elect John Boehner to run the world for benefit of International Corporations, nor did they elect him to constantly attack the current administration and refuse to compromise on issues vital to its citizens.
This disease, "alcoholism", according to medical journals, if untreated, is known to cause "uncontrollable bawling, rapid mood changes and raging anger," according to Alcoholics Anonymous. The evidence of Boehner "alcoholic psychosis" and chronic depression has been on display numerous times on national TV, where the newly elected "Speaker" would burst into a torrent of tears whenever the host or interviewer, inadvertently, injected the word "kids" into the conversation. Boehner's congressional staff plays these crying outburst off by stating that "John is a very tender hearted person underneath his gruffness".
Since, Boehner is known to rarely see his own "kids", the word "kids" send him over the edge into a merciless "crying drunks jag", brought on by self pity at great personal disgrace.
The debilitating disease of alcoholism explains why "Crying Johnnie" is always sobbing like a sick, silent, circus clown; wailing inconsolably. His uncontrollable "crying jags" are well known to area drunks, reformed alcoholics and alcoholic abuse counselors as serious symptoms of a deadly disease.
"It is not a factor," a substance treatment abuse specialist stated, "of the abuser's compassionate concern for kids, or their well-being, or even his own kids state of mental health. It is entirely due to an extreme form of alcoholism know as Alcohol Psychosis and if not treat will eventually kill the abuser."
Political critics of Boehner have warned that "Crying Johnnie" is a legendary drunk and they suggested that the Congressman "doesn't gives a damn about the plight of his constituents, his family, or his long suffering wife". Like a lot of narcissistic personalities, alcoholics like Boehner, cares only about themselves and drinking - mostly drinking.
"Hell, the man rarely sees his own children," noted one neighbor at a local coffee shop in West Chester, he returns so in frequently to his nearly abandoned family that the neighbor thought he was "divorced".
"Typical, damn hypocritical Republicans. I can't stand them," the neighbor added, a bit basely.
Boehner, according to our impeachable sources, prefers to stay in Washington D.C. closing down the finest watering holes in the nation's capital to returning to his home where his long suffering, washed out wife of 30 years has practically raised their grown children alone.
Boehner, "The Hound Dog", prefers getting drunk in D.C. to family life. He loves chasing after every female lobbyist in Washington, D.C. and "hanging out" with his legislative best "bud", the notorious Ex-Congressman Gary Condit, the semi attractive congressman from Central California, who was having an illicit affair with the attractive Chandra Levy, during the summer when she was killed.
Condit, as most recall, was slow to come "clean" with DC police, and, at one time, was thought by many to have had a hand in her disappearance. Condit's apartment was searched by the local police and they leaked it that the apartment "was covered in evidence", that indicated that Gary Condit's pad was a "play ground" for congressional legislatures sexual extra-curricular activities. Hundreds of semen samples were deposited through out the apartment, according to DC police who examined his tacky apartment with infra-red lights, indicating multiple sexual partners were present at various time or a number of year. My, my. Who would have thunk it.
The disgusting antics of "Congressional Legislators Gone Wild" would make pornographers blush with their scorching indiscretions. I ask, you folks, in all seriousness, isn't it time to send these deadbeat drunkards to REHAB or prison, or back to their abandoned families rather than to Congress to further muck up economy?
These alcoholics fiends, abusers and violent mean, unpleasant drunks do not deserve to represent anyone, and, sadly, they don't. They are in the political soup for their own ends. Many have lost their way, credibility, purpose and should be booted out of Congress. Call me old fashioned, but, I don't think that drunks and abusers do not belong in leadership positions in Congress or anywhere.
John Anthony Boehner, as Speaker of the House, has been a lecherous drunk for most of his 30 years as a "professional politician" and his abuse of alcohol has made him unfit for public office. Certainly, not the ideal candidate for the 8Th Congressional District in Southwest Ohio, where there are no jobs, because "Crying Johnnie" and the Republicans sent them all overseas to China to curry donations from their rich donors at the expense of his loyal, hard working constituents.
As a professional politician, who many have accused of "nearly always being in his cups," Boehner has been manipulating his fellow legislators with large lobbyist checks, booze, women, cartons of smokes and "corrupt bargains" since his early days in the Ohio legislature.
While in the Ohio state legislature, the nicotine covered Ohio Boehner was lionized for his legendary exploits as a "procurer". He moved quickly through the Republican power structure by virtue of the "great parties" that he threw at luxurious hotels in downtown Columbus, Ohio.
Boehner sponsored these events for his fellow Republican "Hill Billies" and all the newly elected Ohio legislators, fresh from small rural, farming communities and new to the wicked ways of the big city life style that they publicly condemned and privately desired. These country bumpkins idolized "Johnny", the handsome tanned stud who plied them with "free booze and cartons of cigarettes", courtesy of his lobbyist friends and introduced them to "attractive woman" at his "Meet and Greet New Legislators Orientation Gatherings". He became their fraternity "Big Brother Boehner" who knew all the ropes and had access to the money and like the dopes in Animal House - they followed him like puppies where ever he led - usually to a lurid, drunken, free party.
It was the same sordid technique that the alcoholic abusing user, Boehner, used in grammar school; the same twisted sister M.O. that made "Crying Johnnie" popular in high school; the self same technique made him a cause celeb in the Ohio state legislature as an adult. This procurer skill is the secret formulae that the "Speaker" has used to catapult himself to the most powerful position in the United States Congress, where, true to form, the legislative "pimp" became a fixture handing out lobbyist checks from the congressional floor to his colleagues; still buying favors like the alcoholic boy he once was handing out free booze to his childhood friends.
It is shocking, that America's politicians are "For Sale" and it is a fact well known that they have been for some time, but, what is more distressing is how cheaply they can be bought: A fifth of Jack Daniels, a can of Instant-Tan, a carton of cigarettes or a $50,000 donation from a lobbyist. Selling out to lobbyist clients representing the concerns of a corporation that seek access to our legislators, or a means to circumvent US regulations, current laws and influence policy. Whatever they want, Johnnie can provide it for a price just like the corner "pimp."
Boehner, had perfected his lobbyist skills with the aid of the nation's richest lobbyists representing major corporations, gaming, billionaire, but, not individual citizens. Johnnie lobbyist controllers provided him with $34 million dollars to hand out to Congressional members of his own party in order to buy their loyalty. His client/donor list ranges from the largest Insurance companies, to the nation's oldest whiskey distilleries, to the entire tobacco industries, to International Corporations. They do not represent his constituents that elected him, nor are they in the best interest of the nation.
Boehner, who is known to be drunk most of the time, ramped up his game in Congress and raced through the corrupt Republican congressional power vacuums created by the departures of Newt Gingrich, Tom Delay and Trent Lot, (three disgraced Republican) leaders who set the bar so low that "Crying Johnnie" was able to leap each hurdle with his eyes and mind permanently shut.
Boehner,Trent Lot, Gingrich and the recently released from prison, Tom Delay have consistently brought dishonor to the formerly sacred Halls of Congress and to themselves, this nation and our democratic process because they are all "drunks", thieves and narcisstic politicians that think they can get away with committing crimes. All, but, Boehner, were "drummed" out of office, and, it is the feeling of this cracked correspondent, that "Crying Johnnie", like his mentors, should follow suit - the sooner the better - and his drunken ass should be marched out of public life for good.
The wide spread corruption, incompetence and obstructionist behavior of the Speaker borders on national disloyalty and teeters on treason. His loyalty is to "power at all cost", the Republican Party, the nutty Tea Republican movement and, lastly, if ever, to his country. "The apple does not fall too far from the tree", so sayeth the sage. Toss this spoiled one out!
Wake Up America - Send BOEHNER to The Betty Ford Clinic - Not Congress!